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No Name For A Mum and Dad

Orphans, widows and widowers.

A child taken away by death,

Has no name for a Mum or dad.

Angel Mum/dad is what they are,

A love for her child that

Knows no bounds.

A strength from an unknown source.

A pain so physical yet

She lives on.

Caring for and loving their

Child in this world,

Never knowing that

Her child was an Angel,

Here only for a while.

Walking in two worlds.

Her child’s and hers.

Heartache felt of the loss,

Compassion for other Angel Mum’s and dads

Is what she has.

Angel Mum/Dad’s meet and share,

Experiences and feelings of all

They bear,

Laughing and crying together,

Giving comfort and peace,

Of all those who feel

What is so real.

She flays as if drowning,

But surfaces again,

And knows she must go on,

Till they meet again.

Her child left home,

Never to return.

The loving arms are empty,

And longingly they burn.

Angel Mums and Dad’s gather

In love and in friendship.

Developing bonds to last

A lifetime.

Looking forward to each

Time they are together,

Remembering their child

And giving tribute to them,

For the life that they shared.

Reliving the tragedy

Of their greatest loss.

Pleading for their child

To be whole again.

Waiting patiently for their

Return to the arms

Of the Mum/Dad that loves

Them forever.

Not seeing, hearing or touching

Is an anger that seems

To rear its ugly head,

And tears her heart into

Tiny shreds.

Eagerly waiting for the time that

She will go to her child’s

Place of rest.

To be with the child

Who so suddenly left.

Forever be an Angel Mum and Dad,

Full of love, wisdom,

Strength and caring.

Loving all her children,

As much as she always has.

Never forgetting the one

That has gone,

And will never be back.

Taking comfort,

From knowing one day

They’ll meet again,

In the place that her

Child has gone.

If you know someone who has lost their son/daughter, take a minute to let them know that you still remember their child. You could be the only person that acknowledge their child.

Mums and dads come to our support meetings and like the poem says, many have developed friendships that last a lifetime. Our meeting are open to any parent who has lost their son/daughter at any age, from any cause of death.

The next Brightest Star parent support meetings are:

EDINBURGH - Wednesday 16 August 2017, Radisson Blue, The Royal Mile, 1800-2000

GLASGOW  - Monday 28 August 2017, Don Suite, Level 3, Glasgow Hilton, William Street, 1800-2000

If you are thinking about coming and would like more information then please get in touch.

Please share this so we can reach as many bereaved parents as possible.

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Would You Know My Name?

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.
Nobody can ever imagine their child dying before them, people probably don’t even let it cross their mind. Why would anyone want to think about such a tragedy unless they had to? When you see a story about a child dying on the news or Facebook, it naturally makes you stop and think, what you would do or feel if your child died. The automatic thought for most parents to feel would be that they couldn’t survive the death of their child.
Many people have said to me, I couldn’t do it if I was you, I couldn’t go on, I wouldn’t be here if my child died. I totally understand why people say that and they don't intentionally mean to but those comments can hurt a parent who has lost a child. When Jack first died, I would get so upset when people would say that as I used to think does the fact that I am still here mean that people think I don’t love my son as much? Does the fact that I am still here mean that I don’t care as much about my son as they care about their children? Does the fact that I am still here mean that people think I don’t miss and grieve for my son every day? No is the answer to all of those questions but it has taken me a long time to realise that.
At one point or another, I can imagine every parent considers ending their own life when their child dies. It would be impossible not to, sometimes the pain feels too much to handle and sometimes that seems like the only way out. For me personally, there are two options...I die or I live and I wouldn’t put my own parents, family and friends through what I face on a daily basis but I can totally understand why people can feel there is no other way out. I feel the pain every day, it never goes away, look at the face and fun in that picture, how could this pain ever go away? I just try to lean on those closest to me during my darkest days and I just try to think.... I must be strong and carry on.
Maybe the next time you speak to a bereaved parent, especially a newly bereaved parent try to avoid the.....I couldn’t do it if I was you, I couldn’t go on, I wouldn’t be here if my child died. Instead tell them it is ok to have those thoughts and feelings and be the one to tell them that you will be there on their darkest days and hours.
If you have one minute today, share this post with your friends and maybe together, we can help bereaved parents.
Arlene, Jack’s Mummy xx
2 years on and this is still so true

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Holidays

Sometimes the holidays can be the loneliest times of the year the most. I don't even remember writing this post but it is all still so true...

You might feel sad because it’s the start of the summer holidays, you might feel sad because you have to arrange childcare, you might feel sad because your child gets bored, you might get sad because your child wants to do things and you get sad because of the stress and cost of it all.

I feel sad because my child isn’t here to do all ...of those things. I feel sad because this is the 5th summer that my child has missed. I feel sad because I wish I could have just one more summer holiday with my child. As the schools finish up, I feel so sad that my son is the one that is missing.

I know the holidays can be stressful, routines are disturbed, emotions run high and tempers can get frayed. I know it can be difficult arranging childcare and amusing the children for 6 weeks but that’s what we all signed up for when we had our children. I know that no child or parent is perfect but if your child wasn’t here for the next summer holiday, you would be wishing that you could go back and relive this summer holiday with them all over again.

Jack and I are proof that tomorrow is never guaranteed. Like thousands of other bereaved parents, I will be spending this summer thinking about all the previous summers I had with Jack, I will be thinking about the things that I wish I had and hadn’t done. If I can give any piece of advice, it would be to appreciate and treasure every moment of these summer holidays with your child.

Arlene, Jack’s Mummy xxx

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At The Start

At the start, I couldn't imagine living 4 days without Jack. Today marks 4 and a half years since he died and I will never know how I've got to here.
It feels like forever since i cuddled him in this picture and forever since I wrote this....

My life without you is empty,
I need you back so much, ...
I wish you were here beside me,
I long to feel your touch.

Our time together was special
Our love was so strong
Why were you taken from me?
It all seems very wrong.
Why must I go on without you?

I miss you more each day,
You went away too quickly
The world is now so gray.

I think about you always
But that is nothing new,
When every day I have left
Has to be without you.

It has been now been 2 and half years since I saw my son alive, held him or heard his voice. This time two and half years ago, I could not have imagined surviving another 2 days, never mind two months or two years. In those days, I longed to see someone who was still living after the death of their child, I longed for them to tell how to deal with the loss of my son and I longed for them to tell me that the pain would become more bearable. Today I am that person who has survived after the death of their child and maybe now I can give that hope to someone.

There were times when I didn’t think that I would but somehow, I have made it to here. It’s not been easy; it’s been a rollercoaster of expected and unexpected sadness, highs and lows but……I am still standing. I am not the person that I was before I lost Jack, some days are worse than others, there is sadness in my heart and head every single day but I am still alive and functioning. Some days I even manage to live, not just function. After the loss of your child, just waking up in the morning is an achievement, take each day as it comes and know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, grieve your own way. I have made it to here and you will too.

If you know a bereaved parent, try to give them the hope that I was looking for by tagging them in this post.

Arlene, Jack’s Mummy xx

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